3. INT. MURK'S PLACE - NIGHT
It's a stormy night with occasional BOOMS
OF THUNDER. The BUZZER goes - MURK answers.
MURK
Hello - you're on the air.
WALLY
It's me, Wally. Let me in.
MURK
...what's the code word?
WALLY
I don't have time for this
idiotic rigamarole, Murk...
MURK
Close enough.
--------
They're at www.1800autopsy.com
MURK
I suppose this means you don't
want to look at their franchise
application.
WALLY
Franchise?
MURK
Yeah, right here on the site!
We could buy a van and motor
around wearing special hats and
see all kinds of gross shit.
We could be the first guys in
the chain to have a drive-through
autopsy lane... we'd offer the
'happy embalming.' I could dress
up as the mascot... some exhumed
guy in a clown suit, maybe...
-----
http://members.aol.com/WordPlays/dying.html
MURK (CONT'D)
It's the dying words of famous
people.
WALLY
...why would you have this site
bookmarked?
MURK
I bookmark everything: I'm thinking
of starting my own search engine.
(then)
Okay, here, check this one out:
Ethan Allen said, "Am I dying, or
is it my birthday?" What a hoot!
-----
They're at the transhumanism site:
WALLY
Let's see what other gems we've
got here...
(reading)
"The consequences of these
developments may include: the
abolition of disease; the
elimination of aging; the
enrichment of our reward-centers"
MURK
Reward centres? Does that have
something to do with Club Z?
WALLY
No Murk, I'm afraid that Club Z
already exists on a superior plane.
The transhumanists want to
(reading)
"Enjoy a wider diversity of emotions, exhilarating peak
experiences
and life-long well-being; and
perhaps the gradual replacement
of human bodies with synthetic
enhancements."
MURK
Cripes, who's their president?
Michael Jackson?
WALLY
(perking up)
Yes, and Pamela Anderson is the
treasurer! Ha ha!
MURK
See, I knew this would cheer you
up! Keep goin' - you're cookin'!
WALLY
(reading)
"Or by contrast, it could mean
that intelligent life goes extinct,
maybe as the result of an accidental
or deliberate misuse of powerful
weapons technologies such as self-
replicating nanomachine viruses."
MURK
I knew those Furbies were dangerous.
-----
We cut the joke because...well... you'll see
why:
MURK
"Friends, we are gathered here today to pay our last respects
to one Wally van Druze..."
(then)
Nahhh, too formal. Be better to start 'em off with a quick joke.
(practicing)
"Wally once asked me, Murk, why do French Canadians make
love doggy style? And I said, so they can both watch the hockey
game!" Pause for laughter...
(then)
This is gonna be a great funeral!
