Wally's just agreed to help Murk deal with
his fear that he's been abducted by aliens.
MURK
Thank God I can still count on
you, Wally. ...although, come
to think of it... you do look
a bit extraterrestrial.
WALLY
I have been compared to the nose
cone of a minuteman missile, now
that you mention it.
(then)
...and no, 'minuteman' wasn't a
veiled crack at my staying power...
----
Wally opens up www.abduct.com/survey.htm
MURK
How'd you find this site?
WALLY
Err... back when I was having
cash flow problems. I was hoping
to pick up a few handy kidnapping
tips.
(then)
Okay... let's get started.
----
They're doing the quiz:
WALLY
Next: "Do you have trouble
sleeping through the night for
unexplainable reasons?"
MURK
...the other night I got up to
pee and discovered I didn't have to.
WALLY
"Do you have dreams where superior
beings, angels, or aliens are
educating you about mankind, the
universe, global changes or future
events?"
MURK
Yeah... but then I keep muffing
the final essay question.
----
They're at the implants site:
MURK
What's breast augmentation got
to do with being visited by aliens?
WALLY
Maybe that's how they take over...
by hiding inside those little
saline bags.
MURK
Wow... that explains why Pamela
Anderson got so bizarre there
for a while.
-----
They're looking at the alien abduction message
board:
MURK
Hey, mister doubt head. What
about this question: "Why am I
unable to remember my abduction"
Ehhh? Explain that?
WALLY
Same reason I'm unable to remember
winning the Academy Award for my
stunning cameo performance in
"The Bridge on The River Kwai."
MURK
You were in that movie!? ...What
is Sessue Hayakawa really like?
WALLY
Aloof, but with a kind heart.
-----
They're at The Frugal Squirrel:
MURK
I couldn't find a site just about
surviving interplanetary war, but
I figure this one'll do. And I
mean, you never hear about mutilated
squirrels being found in farmer's
fields, so they must be doing
something right.
WALLY
So you'd like to be in cahoots
with these fellahs?
MURK
Where's Kahoots... Alabama?
-----
(The site mentioned below didn't give us permission.
Too bad, because their spy stuff is really fun.)
WALLY enters, carrying more tinfoil and a
piece of paper. MURK's got a listening device attached to the
furnace.
MURK
You got more - good.
WALLY
Yes, plus this little release
I'd like you to sign when you
get a chance.
MURK
Release?
WALLY
Yes. It gives the nice men from
the asylum permission to enter
the house and take you for a little
ambulance ride.
MURK
...would they run the siren?
WALLY
Errr, sure.
MURK
Cool.
He signs. Wally checks out the gizmo.
WALLY
And what might this be?
MURK
It's a listening device. I got
it from this great website that
sells surveillance stuff. See?
Wally looks at the monitor - peels away the
tinfoil. On the screen is www.advanced.th.com/other.html
WALLY
(reading)
"Advanced Intelligence Spy Shop."
You obviously didn't have to
pass a test to gain access...
(then)
Oh look - a disappearing ink pen.
"Ink will magically disappear after
approximately forty-eight hours,
without leaving a trace of evidence."
MURK
Cool huh?
WALLY
(reading)
"Not to be used for cheque writing
or any legal documents."
(looks at the release)
Errr... did you buy anything from
this place?
MURK
A few vital things, sure.
Wally SIGHS and tosses the paper aside.
-----
MURK
It's a device for listening through
walls, mister scoff it all. See?
We see the next page: www.advanced.th.com/audio.html
WALLY
...so then why do you have it
attached to the furnace?
MURK
Because I live in the basement. Duh.
WALLY
Why not attach it to the ceiling,
then?
MURK
Because it's for "listening through
walls." ...Are you sure you went
to college?
