In the teaser, after Wally sings a bit of
his opera:
MURK
(genuinely)
Heyyy... That actually sounds
interesting. Can I play Banting?
WALLY
That depends entirely on how your
vocal training is progressing.
MURK
My coach says I'm ready to
tackle a leading role... Gee,
I sure hope Banting was a soprano...
-----
Murk is amazed that Wally is going to quit
drinking coffee.
WALLY
I had to. The caffeine was
starting to adversely affect
my mood.
MURK
I thought that was the whole
point of caffeine... Isn't it,
like, the world's most widely
used mood-altering substance?
WALLY
Yes, followed closely by French existentialism.
MURK
...you know, ever since we got
back on-line, I don't get your
jokes anymore...
-----
MURK
I read somewhere, this dude named
Voltaire drank seventy cups of
coffee a day and he lived wayyy
longer than he deserved.
WALLY
But at least he had great works
works of literature to show for
his addiction. All you've ever
produced on a caffeine buzz is a
knee-buckling dose of halitosis.
MURK
I told you, I didn't have coffee
breath - I was chewing cappuccino
flavoured breath mints... sheesh.
-----
We decided not to pick on this fellah after
all:
Murk pulls up the personal page of some guy
with a really dorky picture of himself: http://cyberdrive.net/~wthompson2/index.html
MURK
Ha! Look at this dork! "Hey,
comin' right atcha!"
WALLY
Oh, this is too easy! He looks
like... well he's got a face like a...
He's a real...uh, he's a colossal
dufus!
MURK
...A colossal dufus? Is that the
best you can come up with? See...
this quitting caffeine was a bad
idea.
WALLY
No! In the parlance of baseball
I just got 'caught looking,' that's
all... try me again...
MURK
Okay... Let's see what else we've
got here. What about his resume...
His resume comes up.
WALLY
Gosh. He's in the computer
industry. Who would have guessed?
MURK
Not only that, his goal is,
"To secure a challenging position
in software development in the
Cleveland area."
WALLY
A geek and he wants to live in
Cleveland. It's like he's a ...
well he's clearly a... OH DAMN,
IT'S NO USE MURK! I NEED A CUP OF
JOE AND I NEED IT NOW! PLEASE,
HELP ME MURK!! PLEASE, I'M BEGGING
YOU!
MURK
Geez - get a hold of yourself, dude!
Murk gives Wally a good slapping. He pauses,
then, he's about to smack him again when Wally puts up a hand...
WALLY
That was more than sufficient,
thankyou.
MURK
Just wanted to be sure...
-----
Murk has just wondered why they don't have
a Pulitzer prize for web sites.
MURK
Heyy... I got an idea... we
should come up with a really
lame award of our own and see
if people actually accept it.
WALLY
You mean something like "The
Gemini Awards?"
(An explanation for those of you visiting
from other countries... and oh, for most Canadians, too, probably,
the Geminis are the Canadian version of the Emmys. The broadcast
often features 'celebrities' most of us couldn't pick out of
a police line-up.)
