Wally and Murk have decided to check out the
build a virtual cow site:
WALLY
I'm amazed mind-altering substances
have any effect on you - there's
so little there to alter.
Murk has just been freaked out by the cow:
MURK
Sorry... this Friday night without
booze or drugs... my brain's not
taking it lying down...
WALLY
What's happening?
MURK
Well... since I couldn't find
anything in the apartment, it's
decided to launch an internal search.
I think it just found a leftover
molecule of something I took at
Woodstock.
After checking out The Stadium Pal, Wally
and Murk go to a site that sells diapers for dogs, www.dog-diaper.com:
MURK
(appreciatively)
"Designer Doggie Diapers" Now we're
talkin'.
WALLY
"The Doggy Diaper is fashionable,
it has been patented, and a
prototype of the diaper has been
tested on several breeds of dogs..."
(then)
By the same high-tech lab who
developed The Stadium Pal, I bet.
MURK
"Dogs do not require training
to use the diaper."
WALLY
Unlike babies, who have to attend
an intensive weekend seminar.
MURK
Let's check out the photos...
WALLY
Look - it's the "kennel pal"!
Your dog will never have to
line up for a tree again!
MURK
"For Small Males Only." I wonder
why the big dogs can't wear them?
WALLY
Are you crazy? Everyone knows there's
nothing more dangerous in all of
nature than a Doberman with a load
in his pants.
MURK
Besides that - you got a Doberman
who lets you dress him up in diapers?
You got a much bigger problem than
him just pissing on the carpet
once in a while.
Next photo - a poodle in a leopard print diaper.
MURK
(snootily)
Nice... but now we'd like to see
something in a rhinestone pattern...
WALLY
I understand Richard Simmons was
originally asked to pose for this
photo.
------------
Wally and Murk are at the colonic irrigation
site. Wally's reading the introduction:
WALLY
"If you stand long and still
enough near rivers, lakes and
ponds where herons and similar
long-beaked birds fish and feed,
you will notice a curious habit:
from time to time a heron will
suck up a beak full of water,
twist its neck around and insert
the beak into its own anus,
squirting the water deep into
its bowels to flush out the
putrid debris and other residue
from its fish-based diet.
Who taught these birds to do that?---"
MURK
Liberace?
WALLY
"Nature did."
MURK
Nature's kinkier than I thought.
-------------
Wally and Murk are at the Penis parade site,
looking at a photo of the enormous wooden penis in the middle
of a road:
WALLY
I understand the phallus got
thoroughly lost on the way to the
shrine... but it refused to stop
and ask directions...
