Aug, 2000
May - June, 2001 - Jan
- Feb, 2001 -
Dec, 2000 - Nov, 2000
- Oct, 2000 - Sept,
2000 - Aug 2000 - July
2000 - June 2000 - May,
2000 - April, 2000
Date: Thu, 31 Aug 2000 00:41:48 -0400
From: Burke Campbell
To: wally@wallyandmurk.com
Subject: WHAT KIND OF A HUMAN MIND?
At the beginning of your last program, Wally sang bits from
his opera
about the drug insulin. This was swiftly followed by both Wally
and Murk
making an "entry" into the "Captain's log,"
while making male
hip-thrusting actions. I sat, in front of the set, holding a
bottle of
aspirins and wondering, "Just what kind of a human mind
could even THINK
in these terms?" The writers are passing themselves off
as your normal
garden-variety perverts, but clearly, they must leave their offices
after typing up a script and take a quick taxi to the nearest
Black
Mass.
On the whole, all the scripts for Internet Slutts combine
potty humour,
the keen sense of irony of Rocky and Bullwinkle, blending it
in a
choppy-fashion with the isolation of Camus' existential essays.
This
would be acceptable, yet it's the way this is all mixed. There
is an
yeasty quality about the rye unwholesome enterprise. One cannot
tell if
one day, one will have a great cake of a TV show, or if suddenly,
the
matter will turn to sourdough, clinging from the ceiling in white
translucent globs..
Of course, I too have always wished to be popular, even naked
and
popular.... but somehow, things went wrong and this is how I've
wound up...
I find that if I watch your program WITH a headache, it usually
goes
away at the end. Perhaps this is because my eyes twitch at the
bright
colours and I random-associate. Maybe that's what Internet Slutts
is, a
better aspirin. Therefore, I would suggest to other viewers to
whack
themselves in the head with a hammer before each program, so
they will
have the intense pleasure of relief when you sign off. "And
then I was
happy, for a time."
Burke Campbell
Murk replies,
Yeasty? I'm thinking more like chlamydia.
Steve replies,
I'm wondering if perhaps our faithful
viewer Burke whacked himself in the
head with a hammer just before writing this.
From: "Gary and Sandra"
To: <wally@wallyandmurk.com>
Subject: wally's love life
Date: Tue, 29 Aug 2000 21:19:33 -0700
Hello Wally and Murk. Absolutely love your show. It's the
only show
since My Mother the Car that can make a grouchy old fart like
me laugh from
beginning to end. Hey Wally! Have you been screwing around ?
On a
children's TV show the other day, I saw what I thought were 3
baby penises.
They looked exactly like you. But my girlfriend said that they
were baby
spuds, not penises....
Gary in Vancouver
Wally replies,
They're the Wally Van Druze Miniature
Players - a trio of diminutive
thespians I occasionally mentor.
From: "Rob nowhere"
To: wally@wallyandmurk.com
Subject: webcam ep
Date: Sat, 19 Aug 2000 06:05:38 NDT
..You REALLY need more sound bites up on the page. Even just
Wally saying
"pussy." Every time he says it my brother falls over
laughing.
..Any word on the possibility of a second season? Who should
we write to and
beg you get extended to 1 hour for season 2?
Rob
Steve replies,
I'll get the boys working on your sound
bite request.
As for who to write to, snailmail addressed to:
Programming - The Comedy Network
p.o. box 9,
stn. 'O'
Toronto, On, Can,
M4A 2M9
might do the trick. Slipping a crisp
new fifty into the envelope will definitely get their attention.
Or you could always post something on the Comedy Network bulletin
board:
www.thecomedynetwork.com/bulBoard
Thanks!
Date: Fri, 18 Aug 2000 23:52:26 -0700 (PDT)
From: J wile
Subject: death takes a holiday Inn...
To: wally@wallyandmurk.com
Hi Wally,
I'm wondering if and when the 'postponed' "Death takes
a deductible junket" will be aired. I'm damn
curious...
Jeannie
Wally replies,
That stirring and thought provoking
episode had to be bumped from the first
rotation because the Network 'accidentally' aired "Solving
the Mystery of
Women" twice in a row. I suspect a conspiracy of some sort,
as my
performance in Death was nothing less than brilliant and I was
a lock for a
Gemini nomination. My guess is Al Waxman's involved somehow...
Date: Sat, 19 Aug 2000 01:37:42 -0700
From: Jason Nacci
To: wally@wallyandmurk.com
Subject: (no subject)
That show is good shit boys! Thanks for having the get-up-and-go
to make it happen. Of course I like the out-takes at the end
like
everyone else, but two of my favorite episodes were: The one
where
Murk makes Wally vomit over and over and over, on the wall, on
the
floor, on the camera lense, what was up with that? It sure had
me
laughing . . . the other one was during the piercing episode
when they
see the pierced ass and freak out, then they see the pierced
penis, and
Murk starts beating his head against the radiator in a panicked
attempt
to clear the image from his mind. Real good stuff guys, cutting
edge.
Beavis and Butthead for the internet.
Thanks,
JNACCI
From: yep seven
To: wally@wallyandmurk.com
Subject: show feedback
Date: Sat, 05 Aug 2000 07:30:28 EDT
Hi guys,
I just wanted to say how much I enjoy your sick and twisted
little show. It's
excellent. Wally's my favorite, I'd say. But the best thing about
the whole
thing is when you guys show 'bloopers' during the credits. Keep
up the good
work! Could you tell me how many episodes are in this 'season'
and how long
the season is exactly. ie: when will I get my next fix of shows?
Also, who
does the voices of Wally and Murk? Thanks again for great entertainment.
You guys are the best Canadian show out there! (I know, that's
not saying
much... but still.)
Jeannie
Steve replies,
I'm told the Comedy Network will be
repeating all 18 episodes starting
September 1st. Wally and Murk are portrayed by puppetry geniuses
Frank
Meschkuleit and Ron Stefaniuk. As for being called 'the best
Canadian show
out there,' we're going to take that as a compliment, gawdammit.
Date: Sat, 5 Aug 2000 11:12:12 -0400 (EDT)
From: Brandon Versluis
To: wally@wallyandmurk.com
Subject: To Wally
Dear Wally:
Hi! I personally think that if you weren't on the Internet Slutts
television show that you'd be a successful Swiss banker. As seen
in last
night's episode "If You Were Murk Could You Live With Yourself?"
it showed
that Murk really needs you. You are the total opposite of Murk.
If you
weren't there Murk would probably do a lot more than steal papers
and leave
a marking, cut off a girl's hair with a weed whacker (and sell
it for
$25.00 on the Internet), steal cable from the lady living above
him, and
smoke more frogs. Although you ended up smoking a frog at the
end....
Sincerely,
Brandon Versluis
Wally replies,
If it weren't for me watching out for
him, Murk would likely be nothing
more than a box of unidentified charred remains clogging up store-room
space in a morgue somewhere. As for the frog-smoking... I ...
uhh...
errr...., well, as Blake once said, in order to truly know one's
limits one
has to venture beyond them...
Murk adds,
..And then he hurled.
From: "Savoy"
To: <wally@wallyandmurk.com>
Subject: Murk's Behavior
Date: Sat, 5 Aug 2000 19:27:15 -0300
Hey Wally, You know Murk better than any of us... has he ever
broken his arm because he fell out of bed while trying to blow
himself? He
seems like the kind of lad to try it. Also, do vacuum cleaner
salesmen
tend to harass you more than usual? Andrew Savoy Miramichi NB
Wally replies,
Murk has never sustained a serious injury
while attempting auto-fellatio.
However, he has had to undergo the Tommy John elbow ligament
replacement
procedure due to his obsessive, rhesus monkey-like wanking.
As for your other question, no, but
thank you for asking.
From: ADAM WARNE
To: wally@wallyandmurk.com
Subject: To The Gods of Comedy
Date: Tue, 01 Aug 2000 07:43:06 GMT
Hey I would like to start out by Franticly yelling "I LOVE
YOUR FUCKING
SHOW." Ok well I think that if you intro new puppets in
the show I
think it should be a relative of Wally like twin brothers that
are two Testicles.
Another thought of mine was are you going to have posters and
lunch
boxes and collective stuff like that? cause i will spend every
last penny i
have on Posters,Mugs,Stuffed Wally and Murks and even the occasional
Wally and
Murk Home pregnancy kit.
Ps. Tell Murk my mom thinks he's Sexy!!!
- Adam Warne From Timmins Ont Canada
Murk replies,
Tell your mom I can be there on the
next bus!
May - June, 2001 - Jan
- Feb, 2001 -
Dec, 2000 - Nov, 2000
- Oct, 2000 - Sept,
2000 - Aug 2000 - July
2000 - June 2000 - May,
2000 - April, 2000
THE INTERNET SLUTTS MESSAGE BOARD 